Are you sick and tired of WAITING for your structured settlement or annuity payments? Have you been awarded financial compensation only to see it trickle in penny by penny? Sure, you'll eventually get all your money SOMEDAY, but you're not a SPACEMAN - you don't LIVE in the FUTURE! T.H. HOEGAARDEN can pay you a LUMP SUM* for your structured settlement so you can spend your money NOW, in the PRESENT! Hey, you live in the present!
Imagine: Finally, the good life - FOR YOU! Your T.H HOEGAARDEN LUMP SUM* will give you life of luxury that you always knew was coming, at last! Your structured settlement is holding you back from champagne wishes and caviar dreams. Don't fall for that penny-by-penny trickle scam like a Joe Blow schmuck. Call T.H. HOEGAARDEN and make that trickle a FLOOD! After all, it's YOUR MONEY!
Spend your T.H. HOEGAARDEN LUMP SUM* on anything you want! Like:
- Cosmetic surgery!
- A new car!
- An old car!
- More questionable prescription drugs for your psychosomatic illness!
- Shared-ownership vacation property!
- Hair loss treatment!
- Personal watercraft!
- A new
carcinogenic government tracking devicesmartphone! - Collectible swords and fantasy knives!
- Self-assembled steel outbuildings!
- Retractable awnings!
- A semi-pro baseball team!
- Bulk quantities of high fructose corn syrup!
- An Eastern European prostitute!
- A Southeast Asian prostitute!
Don't let your structured settlement dictate how you get your OWN MONEY when you could be living in style! Operators are standing by to get you the LUMP SUM* you DESERVE! Call NOW!
*Lump sum payment not to exceed 35% of total annuity value. T.H. Hoegaarden is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Hulkipediatrics Pharmaceuticals Inc.
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