Hulkipedia is dedicated to exposing the lies and shams we the People of the United States of Scamerica are forced to endure daily. Don't believe the hype! The spooks are listening. Spread the word and don't be a mind-slave. Make no attempt to refute my claims as they are based in SCIENCE. It's all about TRUTH, JUSTICE, and HARDKORE SPIRITUAL WARFARE.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

America's Wholly Manufactured and Imaginary Debt Ceiling Crisis

The "populist" Tea Party congressmen voted into office by a misinformed and manipulated public ("The people have spoken," remember that crap?) in the 2010 midterm election are now holding the government hostage to satisfy a fantasy ideology.

They believe in smaller government. What better way to make it smaller than to blow it all up? They believe in lower taxes, but only for corporations and the rich. That's not populism, it's plutocracy. They believe government is the antithesis of business, that is creates no wealth, jobs, or value, yet it must be run like a business, dedicated to profit and directly measurable quarterly returns instead of serving the public good. Businesses are also allowed to fail and go bankrupt (unless you're Wall Street and can grovel for a government bailout) but the government cannot go bankrupt without an unprecedented enormous social disaster, and there's no one but us taxpayers to bail it out. Maybe if we throw enough immigrant maids at the IMF they will spare us a few shekels.

Fooled with politricks into signing nonbinding antitax "pledges" by right wing anti-government groups like Grover Norquist's Americans for Tax Reform, (seriously, Grover, you expect a POLITICIAN to keep his WORD?!) these political kidnappers are threatening to shoot the hostage (while claiming Americans voted for it!) in the hopes that they will look pleasing to their corporatist masters, who will shower them with semi-legal campaign contributions and lucrative private-sector jobs while the real citizens of this country go destitute.

This moment in history is America's fall from grace. It is fitting that this great Nation collapses while trapped fighting an unwinnable decade-long quagmire in Afghanistan, that ancient Graveyard of Empires from Alexander the Great to Ghengis Khan to the Soviet Union. However, we were not done in through military defeat or global thermonuclear war, but by Congressional malfeasance; obstinate hyperpartisan aversion to compromise and adherence to a bankrupt dogma with no basis in economic reality.

The government's debts are REAL and backed by the 14th Amendment to the Constitution. The "debt ceiling" is an imaginary bogeyman that the Tea Party has hauled out of the closet and sworn to defend, despite the dire consequences of mortal harm to the economy. All of us real citizens will be caught in the middle as collateral damage. The "recovery" is a hoax. We are in a Depression with huge long-term unemployment, zero job growth, and a stagnant GDP. Allowing the government to implode out of blind faith in a fairy tale will only worsen the situation. Just look at what's happening in Europe. The Tea Party sees Spain, Greece, Ireland, and Portugal, and says, "WE WANT THAT."

These Tea Party brigands have been offered a tremendous deal - huge spending cuts in exchange for merely closing corporate tax loopholes - but they spurn the notion of even the most minimal tax increases to curry favor with the wealthy corporate plutocrats, who demand to be worshiped as "job creators," sit on huge cash reserves, take in astronomical profits, and pay themselves appallingly opulent executive bonuses, yet can't be bothered to actually create any jobs.

It will be the real citizens of America - that massive segment of the disenfranchised population, the real majority referred to by the power elite on a spectrum of increasingly dehumanizing terms as "constituents," "voters," "taxpayers," and that most odiously degrading slur, "consumers" - who will bear the real brunt of this economic catastrophe. We are the beasts of burden that carry this country while the oligarchs wield the whip. We are the giant pool of money they draw from to amass their fortunes. We could demand so much more from our elected representatives if we weren't so damn busy just trying to stay alive.

Congress has given up trying to pass anything meaningful to solve the problem they created and have instead gone into damage control mode. GOP trying to blame Dems, House trying to blame Senate, all of them trying to blame Obama. They have no interest in saving the country, only in saving their own reputations, so that in their fantasy version of Post Arma-debt-on America, they can scoop up lobbyist positions, consulting jobs, and book deals while the proles like you and me stand in bread lines.

I see three possible outcomes after the USA defaults and the government goes belly-up:
  1. Obama says, "Fuck all y'all," and ignores the debt ceiling to save the country, citing the 14th Amendment. This royally pisses Congress off, and they embark on a lengthy, expensive, unpopular, and ultimately unsuccessful impeachment adventure against the President.
  2. Corporate John Galt-wannabes step into the power vacuum and enslave American citizens in the post-government neofeudal dystopia they've always dreamed of.
  3. Society as a whole collapses into roving blood cults that pillage a weakly connected collection of warring Bartertowns.
Perhaps in its newly humbled state, America will become a country of honesty, integrity, and human compassion after all. Perhaps after the corrupt and greedy have killed themselves off through their own stubborn incompetence, after 100 years of Thunderdome and trading bottlecaps for gecko meat, the real citizens can slowly reassemble their shattered country and at long last have a government by, for, and most importantly of, the People.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Tired of Waiting for Your Structured Settlement?


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Friday, July 22, 2011

Hulkipedia Review of Books: American Conspiracies


That's right, Gorilla! Ex Navy SEAL, pro wrestling superstar, the Body, the Mind, the former Governor, the goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus himself, Jesse Ventura rocks your skull with the secrets, lies, cover-ups, and conspiracies that have festered beneath the surface of America's diseased history - all the way back to President Lincoln's assassination. You should make an appointment with a neurologist before you read American Conspiracies: Lies, Lies, and More Dirty Lies that the Government Tells Us, because it will give your brain a truth concussion.

Mr. Ventura explores some familiar conspiracy territory in this book as would be expected: JFK, Watergate, and 9/11. He also sheds light on some lesser-known or forgotten conspiracies, like the plot to overthrow FDR, and takes a hard look at the election thefts of the last decade and Wall Street - which remain two of the biggest threats to America today.

According to Mr. Ventura's research, every major American assassination in the latter half of the 20th century was the result of a conspiracy and a subsequent government cover-up.

  • JFK: Lee Harvey Oswald was actually two men - Lee Oswald and Harvey Oswald - who were used to blame the assassination on Cuba. Mr. Ventura details a conversation he had with Fidel himself in which El Comandante denies Cuba's involvement and says it must have been an inside job. The Warren Commission was the prototypical cover-up: a government "investigation" followed by a lengthy report full of misinformation and lies that the media parrots to this day, in spite of mountains of contrary evidence.
  • Malcolm X: Murdered for fear that he and Martin Luther King would form an alliance and threaten the racist status quo of 1960's America.
  • MLK: Murdered by a right-wing sniper, evidence planted to set up James Earl Ray, who was possibly under the influence of hypnotic suggestion.
  • RFK: Sirhan Sirhan was hypnotically brainwashed "Manchurian Candidate" style using CIA methods while, again, another gunman fired the deadly shots.

While his research has significant merit, Mr. Ventura misses the obvious truth about JFK. As America's first Catholic president, Kennedy was recruited by the Pope to recreate the Holy Roman Empire and, with the might of the American military and nuclear arsenal behind it, bring the Catholic Church back into global power. As was his nature, Kennedy refused to be manipulated, and was assassinated for it. Anyone who studies the FACTS can see this plainly! Why Mr. Ventura omitted this from his book escapes me.

However, the rest of American Conspiracies is quite illuminating. The power elite's attempt at a military overthrow of FDR, the mysterious plane crash that killed a man who was about to blow the whistle on electronic voting machine fraud, the cruise missile that hit the Pentagon on 9/11 that was called a commercial jet liner, Wall Street corporatists holding the people's government hostage to protect their profits - the truth is in there!

Mr. Ventura's latest book is called 63 Documents the Government Doesn't Want You to Read. Better add Hulkipedia and make that 64, brother!

Friday, July 15, 2011

Attention! Important Information Regarding Hulkidol!


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Monday, July 04, 2011

The Real Founding Fathers

On this day it is our patriotic duty as Americans to celebrate our Founding Fathers, those who birthed this great Nation from its hoary colonial origins by declaring their unequivocal independence from the corrupt and greedy crown of Great Britain. With one mighty document, these brave men sent forth the greatest Fuck You in history - Old John Bull would no longer gorge himself on the toils and travails of New England! The greatest Nation on Earth would rise triumphant, grown from the simple principles outlined within the glorious Declaration, principles that are honored, cherished, and defended to this day:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all white male landowners are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Wealthiness.
But who were these courageous souls willing to fight and die for these rights? The history books are full of whitewashed myths. Let's take a look at the TRUTH behind our Founding Fathers. These were not perfect moral superheroes, they were rich aristocrats who had all the same scandalous vices and foibles that we see in the power elite today. They weren't a militia of angry farmers taking up arms, they were nearly all Freemasons who used their connections in the ancient secret society to fund the Revolution. Forget what you learned about George Washington chopping down his father's cherry tree, it was more likely that he smoked his father's buds!
"I cannot tell a lie. I'm high as hell right now, Pops!"
- young George Washington
Here is just a glance at some of the Real Founding Fathers:

George Washington: Marijuana farmer and dealer.

John Adams: Buggering philanderer.

Thomas Jefferson: Slave rapist.

Benjamin Franklin: Crush fetishist and animal abuser.

Button Gwinnett: Opium addict. Named Button.

John Hancock: Profligate gambler.

Samuel Adams: Moonshiner and bootlegging drunkard.

Thomas Paine: Child pornographer.

Patrick Henry: Several historical sources strongly indicate he was "way into" self-mutilation and goth makeup.

Paul Revere: Well-documented transvestite.

Alexander Hamilton: Attempted murderer.

Aaron Burr: Murderer.

I could go on, dear reader, but I think you get the point. Kennedy banging Marilyn Monroe in the Lincoln bedroom? Nixon bugging the Watergate Hotel? Clinton getting head in the Oval Office? John Edwards cheating on his cancer-stricken wife? Weinergate? These modern scandals merely perpetuate the ignoble traditions of the Real Founding Fathers!

They gave us our land of the free, fought for the unalienable rights of man, spoke at great length on equality, liberty, and virtue, but all those high-minded byproducts weren't the point. From the very beginning of American history, there has been one single idea driving this Nation. It isn't liberty, it isn't religious freedom, it certainly isn't equality. No, the Founding Fathers wanted the same thing then that everyone still wants now. It was all about the money.

It is said that power corrupts, but it is more likely that power attracts the corrupt. Those who seek public office do so not out of a desire to serve the public good but to advance their own sordid agenda, be that greed, perversion (sexual or otherwise), sadism, or good old fashioned tyranny - the very evil the Founding Fathers wished to abolish.