Global Warming and Peak Oil

Weather patterns are becoming more erratic, polar ice is melting, and hippies are FREAKING OUT. The pointy-headed overly educated elitist eggheads (POINTY EGGS?) have convinced the media that GLOBAL WARMING is to blame. I don't buy it, brother! Like everything else the media broadcasts, global warming is an ADVERTISEMENT. It's a myth designed to capture the hippie dollar, (hippies are notoriously resistant to conventional mass-brainwashing methods) perpetuated by ivory-tower tenured scientists desperate for attention and grant money, (PUBLISH OR PERISH) and multinational industrialist plutocrats who have flooded the market with "green" products to capitalize on the craze.

Here at Hulkipedia, my own staff of experts (ME) have conducted rigorous scientific research on the theory of global warming. Everyone knows the earth is heated by the sun and volcanoes. I spent hours staring through binoculars at the sun, (IN THE NAME OF TRUTH) and it looked just fine. I couldn't see anything wrong with it. In fact, I couldn't see anything at all! (FOR DAYS) Thus, solar radiation cannot be considered a threat. As for volcanoes, there was that one in Iceland a while ago, but that was surrounded by ICE, so its heat was cancelled out. Like lighting a match in the freezer! For volcanoes to cause global warming, there would have to be a Mount St. Helens erupting every second everywhere on earth for 200 years. DO THE MATH. I did!

The TRUTH behind global warming is simple, MEAN GENE. It's a cover story for meteorological warfare. The National Weather Service (actually a division of the NSA - i.e. SPOOKS) is subtly influencing consumers by disseminating erroneous weather forecasts. If the weatherman on television says it's supposed to rain, people will stay home and watch more ADVERTISEMENTS. If he says it's supposed to be sunny, they will go out and SPEND MONEY. They always complain when he's wrong, but they keep believing his lies and doing exactly as he says.

The "contentious theory" is framed as a "debate" by politicians so they can remain blameless and become eunuch courtiers in the coming PEAK OIL oligarchy. Oil is running out, and whoever controls the dwindling supply will control the country. The politicians are just biding their time until the government of SCAMERICA becomes a wholly-owned subsidiary of the oil industry. Every gladhanding weasel enabler among them will kowtow to the new oil oligarchs (OILIGARCHS) and they will waste trillions of our tax dollars and wage more hopeless wars to maintain total control.

In fact, the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico last year was a DELIBERATE waste of oil to further reduce supply and speed the process along toward utter oil company domination. The OILIGARCHS don't care about the environment because the environment doesn't buy oil. Later this summer, gasoline is expected to cost $5.00 per gallon. As prices skyrocket, the rapacious oiligarchs will accumulate all the world's wealth; money will become useless. While the people squirm in their tightening grasp and self-neutered politicians pass cancerous legislation written by the oiligarchs themselves, the country will turn to debtor's prisons, enslavement, and organ harvesting to feed its oil addiction. It will pay any price, perform any deed to get its fix, just like the JUNKIE it is.

My advice to you, gentle reader: Start raising draft animals. We'll need them when we run out of gas.