Facebook Is a Tool of the Surveillance State

THE UNITED STATES OF ADVERTISING has convinced consumer drones everywhere that the things they buy are important artifacts of self-expression. This week's newest porno-in-your-pocket vibrates-for-her-pleasure smartphone, the imported late-model wind-up hybrid diesel car they lease, and whatever flavorless low-calorie beer substitute or alcoholic sugar-bomb "malternative" they drink are all narcissistic declarations of one's own unique and precious worldview which by nature must be shared with everyone else as obnoxiously and often as possible. The people of this country are so obsessed with their own special self-image that they pass its taint on to their children even before birth - in the form of stupid white "designer" babby names like Kholtton, Kenadii, Arrsynne, and Jared. Entire generations of WASPy suburbanites will grow up unable to spell or pronounce each other's name. As adults their business cards will read like taxonomic nomenclature or some noxious chemical. Everyone is the star in the movie of life, and the entire internet is their audience.

Corporate plutocrats smell dollar signs wherever idiots amass in high concentrations, so they have naturally learned to exploit the people's narcissism and stupefying desire to relinquish their privacy. The glut of personal data and connections collected by social networking sites has become a freely traded commodity, sold to advertisers, spammers, and government agencies. Such neatly compiled and packaged info is like SPOOK CANDY - too tempting to BIG BROTHER who, when whipped into a frenzy by the mention of terrorism, cannot resist its plunder, resulting in warrantless wiretapping and other domestic surveillance programs. Detailed location-tracking data is being recorded by your status symbol iPhones, just waiting for the next hot app to surreptitiously upload it to the NSA through its "private partners." This all remains perfectly legal thanks to Obama and his undebated renewal of the USA PATRIOT ACT.

Facebook is the future's biggest purveyor of user's personal information, selling it to advertisers, spammers, and government surveillance agencies. People willingly supply everything Facebook wants to "stay connected," believing only their friends will see it, when in fact every banal status update, unwisely shared nude childhood bath-time photo, (KIDDIE PORN) and excessively intimate personal detail is being sold and logged at a server farm somewhere in the DC suburbs, waiting for some bleary low-level analyst to datamine any scent of subversion. The SPOOKS at Langley, Fort Meade, and Foggy Bottom are all up to their pubes in the excruciating personal minutia of daily American life that people see fit to divulge.

You're doing the SPOOKS a big favor by maintaining your social network; most of the detective work is already done for them. If it's discovered that you are Facebook friends with a client of an accountant who once did the taxes for the phlebotomist of a Denny's waitress who served a Moon Over My Hammy to the cousin of a grad student who studied under a professor who years ago taught an introductory phrenology course to the father of a blogger who ironically posted "ISREAL SUX DETH 2 AMERIKKKA" on a SPOOK-monitored website suspected of being a front for terrorist training activities, then it's only a matter of hours before you're scooped up by black helicopters and deposited without charge in a secret CIA prison torture chamber and waterboarded until you confess to your unusually intense second-grade infatuation with Clifford the Big Red Dog. (COMMUNIST ALLEGORY)

To recruit new hosts to suckle from, the Facebook parasite uses one of the most potent forms of social manipulation: peer pressure. Friends invite friends who join to because it's cool, or it's the only way to communicate with the Farmville shut-ins who used to be their parents. Hollywood has even been employed by the Facebook publicity machine to produce "The Social Network," a falsified creation myth that gussies up the whole crooked enterprise to look like an awkward ginger nerd-child's pathetic microphallic compensation. "But he's a billionaire," the conventional wisdom mewls, in between "pokes" and bouts of giddy idolatry, "so he must be the genius of our age!"

Facebook just announced it will be sending LOBBYISTS to integrate its services with foreign governments. Imagine a planet where citizens of every country must, by law or constitutional amendment, use Facebook for all communication, retail shopping, voting in rigged elections, tax payments, trip planning, snitching on neighbors, and solicitation of sexual gratification. You don't access the internet to get to Facebook, you access Facebook to get to the internet. (whatever little is left of it) What news you're allowed to read is whitewashed, redacted, and full of product placements. Facebook serves all of your television, movies, music, friends, opinions, and thoughts. It is the sole portal for every function of your life, and everything you do with it is monitored by the government. It is 1984's doubleplusgood ViewScreen come to pass. This is the future of earth, dear reader, so bear it in mind next time you "LIKE" this shallow, self-aggrandizing spy machine.