Shadow Wars

The American people hate war. We hate sending the youth of our nation to suffer heinous physical and psychological wounds if they're lucky and lose their lives if they're not. But the Cold War addicts in the American government love it, so like a junkie shooting up between his toes to hide the track marks, they've gone underground. While the population is distracted by establishment smokescreens like media-manufactured show trials and mollified by feel-good reunion shows that exploit the soldiers and their families to garner public support, the warmongers endlessly and needlessly send more troops into combat without a clear definition of "victory" against an enemy with a thousand-year history of violent resistance against repeated foreign occupation.

Meanwhile at home, to question the decisions or methods of the War Department (don't believe their "defense" doublespeak, where was our defense on 911? Oh yeah, they were in on it) is tantamount to conspiring with the enemy. If you dare to protest unjust and illegal wars waged "to keep us free," you are charged with "reducing morale" and placing our sacred freedom warriors in further danger. The only freedom our wars protect today is that of America's military-based economy.

War is America's chief export and weapons are its primary domestic product. War is such a vital part of the American economy that peace would simply cost too many jobs. War is our greatest job creator. Just as World War II got us out of the Great Depression and made America the Greatest Nation on Earth™, the escalation of the Global War on Terror by (2009 Nobel Peace Prize winner) Obama will put us all back to work exporting death. Like the tendrils of a noxious creeping weed, weapons contractors and war profiteers have virulently infested every Congressional district in the country, ensuring their local importance to pork-hungry lawmakers. The military-industrial complex has so intertwined itself in the economy that the largest employer in Alabama is Lockheed-Martin.

 The War Department demands more and more taxpayer money every year to keep their vision of endless war alive. Just like its open-ended operations in the Middle East, the Pentagon throws billions of dollars at open-ended weapons development, like a warplane expected to fill every combat role imaginable, a shallow-water warship filled with robots, a hypersonic glider designed to drop bombs anywhere on Earth in under an hour (or your pizza's free!), and a missile-zapping lightning gun whose scrap parts were sold on eBay. These expensive weapon boondoggles have gone on for years, will never be finished, and do nothing to help our soldiers; they only serve to keep the war profiteers balance sheets in the black.

With the military tied up in Iraq and Afghanistan, the Shadow Wars are fought in secret by the CIA and private contractors. Leon Panetta went from CIA chief spook to Secretary of War, and General David Patraeus took his place as CIA director; a crossover between espionage and military expertise. The two agencies have become the same entity, launching secret drone strikes across international borders that kill dozens of civilians to take out a possible terrorist outhouse, then disavowing any knowledge of the "unattributed explosions" through mass media lapdogs who dutifully report as truth whatever propaganda their "anonymous government sources" wish to disseminate.

The unmanned drone is America's weapon of choice in the Shadow Wars. Instead of an infantryman toughing it out on the battlefield with an M-16, you have a joystick jockey in Nevada who kisses his wife and kids after a breakfast of Pop Tarts and soy milk before commuting off to war. The war of the future involves no risk to Americans, who will safely sit at their consoles and distribute death to all kinds of brown people through their hovering terminators with the push of a button. Tomorrow's soldiers are already being indoctrinated to do just that by playing combat-glorifying video games.

The CIA also operates an unknown number of black site "interrogation facilities" (torture prisons). Despite his campaign promise to shutter Gitmo, our Nobel-Laureate-in-Chief is instead opening more torture prisons worldwide, in such hot vacation destinations as Bagram, Afghanistan and Mogadishu, Somalia. First-class amenities include indefinite imprisonment without trial, waterboarding and plausible deniability. Add these to your travel guide of permanent US military installations along with Iraq, Germany, Japan, Korea, Kuwait, Guam, Bermuda, and the British Indian Ocean Territory, just to name a few.

When our forces are successful and what civilians that survive the bloody asymmetric conflict are "liberated," what's the next step? Why, send in the beneficent American corporate interests to divide the resources and profit from the "nation building," of course!

The American Military Establishment goes to war paying lip service to noble concepts like spreading democracy and defending our freedom, when its real goals are lining the pockets of its corporate patrons and expanding the power of the president. These Shadow Wars are wars of conquest, and proof that imperialism is alive and well.

Rupert Murdoch Started the UK Riots

The riots erupting throughout the UK have been blamed on everything from the death of a young father at the hands of armed police to teenage boredom. Once again, the TRUTH is being obscured!

Worldwide Master of Corporate Media Rupert Murdoch sparked the unrest to distract the public from the phone hacking scandal discovered at his UK branch News International, which is falling to pieces amid scrutiny and pressure from the Guardian and the government.

Having to drop his bid for satellite television giant BSkyB, Murdoch lost his chance for a space-based mind-control system which would mentally enslave the entire population of the British Isles. Instead, he had to rely on the text-based subliminal messaging present in tabloid advertising placards placed outside newsagents everywhere in Britain's major cities.

Over the last few weeks, headlines in the remaining News International papers the Times, the Sun, and the Sunday Times contained subliminal trigger phrases, which agitated the young Britons to riot. The hypnotic instructions have been subtly placed in the subconscious of British youth for decades by the outdoor signage, which disperses the message wider than newspapers alone.

With the press and public overwhelmed by hypnotized youth rioting around the country, Murdoch can quietly go about bribing MPs and PMs and Scotland Yard to make this whole phone hacking investigation just go away. But he can't hide the TRUTH from Hulkipedia!

Dumbocracy in Scamerica

In Democracy in America, French smarty-pants Alexis de Tocqueville predicted a country in which the voices of the wise and thoughtful minority would be drowned out by a shrill, ignorant, materialistic majority. 150 years later, the once thoughtful minority has become the power elite by systematically brainwashing the majority through mind control and propaganda. Government, Mass Media, and Big Business all collude to keep us real ordinary American citizens misinformed, complacent, and dumb.

Politicians distract voters with controversial wedge issues like abortion, gay marriage, and illegal immigration. These are emotional arguments contrived to manufacture outrage on both sides and divert attention from hypocrisy, corruption, malfeasance, and the Truth that they actually agree more than they claim to. The left and right appear to be growing further apart, but are more alike than ever in their lust for power. While each party demonizes the other with increasingly hostile rhetoric, their arguments are over mere methods to achieve the same end. Their goals are not to improve the lives of ordinary citizens, or to reform a wasteful and corrupt government, or to return the country to a golden age of prosperity. The only goal is to seize power and to hold it for as long as possible; to do whatever they want with impunity. Electronic vote-fraud machines eliminate the paper trail that exposes rigged elections, allowing corrupt campaigns to manipulate the electoral college and steal elections like never before.

The education system is a broken mess, turned to garbage by ever-expanding government "reforms" based on narrow standardized tests that measure multiple-choice memorization (and encourage cheating by students and teachers alike) instead of cultivating actual knowledge. History books are whitewashed, written to be politically correct mythologies. Their committee of bureaucrat authors omit important lessons from the violent and bloody Truth about the revolution, slavery, and American imperialism. The citizens of tomorrow are being deliberately denied quality education so they can grow up to be vapid servile consumer drones who will unquestioningly accept the status quo, just how the power elite wants them.

Government officials frequently engage in politricks to make it appear public opinion is on their side. The War Department (don't buy that "defense" doublespeak bullshit) and the CIA "leak" official-sounding but completely fictional stories to the press that manufacture public support for doomed follies like the Iraq War. Eager for their "scoops," the Mass Media dutifully parrot whatever propaganda the government hands them, granting anonymity to the sources so there is nobody to hold accountable if the Truth is discovered.

Mass Media is obsessed with sensationalism, conflict, and inane entertainment. The best selling books are insipid ghost-written celebrity tell-all gossip memoirs or quasi-religious new age self-help dogma. Hollywood churns out unoriginal film retreads and sequels, filled with sound and fury, signifying nothing. Television offers patronizing news broadcasts full of colorful graphics, pretty faces, and feel-good fluff, yet devoid of serious critical investigation or meaningful analysis. Reality shows spin melodramatic webs wherein selfish "regular" people are rewarded for antisocial behavior. An entire cable channel nominally dedicated to "learning" is in fact a sickeningly exploitative carnival sideshow featuring every freak imaginable for its viewers' amusement. We Americans sit slack-jawed for several hours a day, absorbing all this hollow trash as though it were Truth, and make its emulation the soulless mission of our empty, frustrated lives.

A crucial organ to propagate the establishment status quo, the Mass Media portrays politics as a game, and elections as grand sporting events, awarding points for every campaign dollar raised, and subtracting them for every bungling gaffe. Voters are reduced to fans in a national popularity contest, ignorant of politicians' actual platforms and unable to make informed decisions. Devoted to maintaining its facade of objective balance, the media makes obviously harmful and wrongheaded ideas and calculated lies look like legitimate "viewpoints," thereby irresponsibly propagating them.

The Big Business-owned and advertising-dominated liberal news media is unwilling to ask big important questions or fund deep investigations for fear of losing advertiser revenue or suffering censorship from their parent company. The shallow infotainment, grotesque parade of sex and death, and celebrity mass culture we endure today is the direct result of the Mass Media's Big Business aversion to Truth and exclusive embrace of profit.

Big Business is the hand that controls America today. The most highly regarded and highly paid people in America aren't statesmen or inventors or scientists or artists or engineers, but rather CEOs and managers whose specialty is the cynical manipulation of people for their own gain, and financial vampires who derive profit from others' misfortunes. With their unlimited financial resources, the corporate plutocrats wield the power to write the laws in the government and spread lies through the media that ensure their continued legacy of dominance over the country. The corporatist has no allegiance but to profit and the unfettered acquisition thereof, even if it means devastating the entire economy. The corporation enjoys the legal and ethical rights of citizenship but holds none of the responsibilities. America is no longer a nation state of individual citizens, it is a lawless cartel of corporations which feeds on them. It is neofeudalism: they are the Lords and we are the serfs, growing their wealth in exchange for permission to survive. And if we wretched serfs have the nerve to challenge their rule, they can legally and financially brutalize us.

Our corporate masters have harnessed the government and Mass Media to keep us real citizens so stupid and complacent that we willingly, unknowingly, and repeatedly vote, act, and think against our own best interests. If Alexis de Tocqueville were to visit America today, his book would have a new title: Dumbocracy in Scamerica.

Bulgaria Engulfed in Woodland BEEF

The bear raid sirens echo down the empty streets of Sofia as Bulgarian citizens barricade themselves indoors. Outside, opposing shadows shuffle clumsily toward each other, overturning parked cars and setting fire to anything that burns. Twilight glints sharply off of golden grillz and bling. Suddenly, a throwdown. Another rap battle in the escalating war between bears and porcupines is underway tonight.

PORCUPINE: "We gotz da quillz ta pay da billz, da rhymes ta cure ya illz."

BEAR: "Only sucka MCs try ta fight wit dey hair, come face the powa of Bulgarian bear!"

Bears and porcupines are dropping science on each other in parking garages, crowded cafes full of terrified people, and even Bulgarian living rooms, breaking into the house to bust rhymes as the occupants watch wailing in shocked disbelief, praying for the horror to end. The battlegrounds seem to be chosen for their lighting, acoustics, and most importantly, audience.

Although no human can know for certain, experts believe the conflict was started by porcupine protestors, young unemployed second-generation immigrants frustrated by years of denigration and treatment as second-class woodland citizens, who chewed the bark from several trees around bear dens, provoking the cantankerous ursine clan into a full-on BEEF. This is the dopest wildlife hip-hop altercation in Eastern Europe since the 1992 Czechoslovakian mule deer breakdance riots, and the freshest interspecies rap confrontation since the 1987 Moldova flashlight fight between pro-democracy hoot owls and communist turkey vultures.

BEAR: "Step ta me if ya gotz da bawz, I smackz ya down wit my powaful clawz."

PORCUPINE: "Ya rhymez be weak, dey second-rate, go back ya hole and hibernate"

The animals' use of broken English instead of rapping in their native Bulgarian is unexplained.

The story of this little-known war first broke on the >LOST BOYS< #1 TACTICAL NONLETHAL NO STINGERS server for the online computer police simulation SWAT 4 the Stetchkov Syndicate, where yours truly was beating an elderly grandmother about the head, neck, and chest for her own safety. A message from teammate "VLADi" flashed across the screen: "HELP BEAR IN WINDO". That caught my attention long enough for my avatar to lose focus and accidentally kill the grandmother, and I was summarily kicked from the server for violating its antilethality and profanity rules. I immediately checked the #TT on @twatter where "Bulgarian bears" and #BEEF were prominently listed. I drew the only logical conclusion and now the world knows the story of this horrible conflict.